I feel inferior and am afraid to speak, be it the sharing of thoughts/insights/random musings or the expression of any emotions (fortunately or unfortunately quite lacking these days), just in case whatever I say turn out to be too muddled up. Just like how I don't like working hard because I'm afraid to find out I'm not good enough.

Just that.. I don't know what "good enough" means. Nothing's ever good enough for... recognition? respect? love? acceptance? Whenever I think of this list, I realize I don't even know what I'm looking for. Acceptance maybe? Self acceptance or acceptance from others? Or.. what?

I'm afraid I won't do well this time, and I still hate myself for being so careless during the exams, for making rash decisions. Also, I hate myself for feeling inferior, when I know I have every reason not to be. But I can't stop feeling that way, can't help evaluating my self worth with every word I say, every thing I do. I name this devil inferiority, I want to kill it because it's taking away even the things I used to be good at.